You probably can’t know ahead of time, and that’s okay. The type of therapy matters less than most people think. What matters most is finding a therapist you trust enough to do the hard work with, and the only reliable way to find that out is to get in a session and try it.
I handle the calls and emails from people looking for a therapist at Reframed Mental Health, and I hear some version of this question from a lot of people. Here’s how I think about it, and how we match people with a therapist.
What People Tell Me When They First Reach Out
A lot of people come to us after a therapy experience that didn’t work for them, and the stories tend to sound alike. A therapist who was so focused on validating (“that sounds so hard, it makes sense you’d feel that way”) that the person never left with anything to help them get through the week. A therapist who asked “how does that make you feel?” or “where do you feel that in your body?” session after session, without offering a way to reframe or move through the issue. Or a therapist who wanted to spend months unpacking where it all came from in childhood, with nothing practical for what’s happening right now.
None of those approaches is wrong for everyone. They were wrong for that person, and usually nobody figured that out until weeks or months in.
The other thing I notice is that people tend to fall into one of two camps. Either they have a very specific approach in mind (EMDR comes up a lot at our practice because Edwin is trained in it), or they have absolutely no idea where to start. Both are normal places to begin.
Why the Type of Therapy Matters Less Than You Think
The relationship does most of the work
The connection between you and your therapist (researchers call it the “therapeutic alliance”) is one of the most consistent predictors of whether therapy helps. A 2018 review of 295 studies covering more than 30,000 clients found that a stronger relationship was tied to better results, and that held up across every type of therapy the researchers looked at.
Choosing a therapist by modality alone is a little like choosing a personal trainer by the type of exercise they teach (Pilates, HIIT, strength training, running club). The type of exercise matters some, but whether you keep showing up and pushing yourself comes down to the person coaching you.
Most therapists use more than one approach
Most therapists work in more than one approach and adjust depending on what you’re working on that day, so “what type of therapy?” often has more than one answer even with the same therapist.
How We Match People at Reframed Mental Health
Because the relationship matters so much, I match people based on who they are more than on a modality. I’ll ask directly: when you picture the style you’re looking for, or what a session might look like, what comes to mind? I’ll pair you based on that style and the therapist who has the most experience with your main concern.
Our team also works differently from one another, which is part of why matching matters.
What our therapists share is a practical, interactive approach. You should leave a session with something relevant for this week. And true to our name, a lot of the work is reframing: helping you see a situation differently so you can respond to it differently.
How Do I Know If It’s the Right Fit Once I’ve Started?
Trust matters more than liking it
The right fit means you trust your therapist enough to keep digging in. That’s different from enjoying every session. Hard work is often uncomfortable, and how you feel sometimes gets worse before it gets better, so a tough session isn’t a sign that it isn’t working. The better question to ask yourself is whether you trust this person to stay in it with you.
It also takes a few sessions to build that relationship, so give it a little time before you decide.
Tell your therapist first
If your therapist is doing something you don’t like, tell them. Most therapists can adjust their approach once they know, and it’s useful information for them. If what you’ve brought up is more about their personality and probably isn’t the best fit, they should tell you that too. But if they commit to a new approach, give it a couple more sessions before you decide.
Switching is okay
If it still isn’t the right fit, it’s okay to try someone else. At Reframed Mental Health, if you’d like to see a different therapist on our team, just let me know and we’ll make the transfer for you. A few clients have asked me to switch, and we make it easy, because the goal is finding the right match.
What If I Have No Idea Where to Start?
Get in a session and try it.
There’s a saying that ready is a decision, not a feeling. Emotions come and go and are hard to judge objectively ahead of time. Whether you’re starting therapy for the first time or starting something more intensive like EMDR, you’re deciding to do the work. If you’re ready to make that decision, go ahead and start. You won’t find the perfect modality or the perfect therapist by researching.
What If I’m Set on a Specific Approach Like EMDR?
Ask about their training
If you have a specific approach in mind, ask the therapist what training they’ve received in it. Graduate school covers the basic approaches, but being a licensed therapist doesn’t mean someone is trained in more specialized methods like EMDR.
This is worth asking because directories don’t check it for you. Psychology Today, for example, confirms that a therapist holds a valid license, but the approaches listed on a profile are chosen by the therapist. Someone could attend a lunch-and-learn webinar on EMDR and add it to their profile.
What to look for in EMDR training
For EMDR specifically, look for a therapist who has completed an EMDRIA-approved Basic Training (often still called Level 1 and Level 2). EMDRIA, the professional association for EMDR, requires those trainings to include at least 20 hours of instruction, 20 hours of supervised practice, and 10 hours of consultation. At Reframed Mental Health, Edwin completed EMDRIA-approved Basic Training, including the consultation hours.
Know that EMDR is hard work
EMDR is emotionally taxing, and it’s common to have symptoms come up between sessions while you’re working through trauma. I see people call specifically asking for EMDR, then a few sessions in start asking “can we just talk today?” and it becomes a pattern. That’s understandable, and it’s also why the decision to start matters. You can read more about what to expect on our EMDR page.
The Bottom Line
You don’t need to know which type of therapy is right for you before you start. Find a therapist you think you’ll connect with, tell them what’s working and what isn’t, and give it a few sessions. If you’re looking for a practical, interactive approach, you can book a consultation and we’ll help you find the right person on our team.